K.I.T

We all know that K.I.T means to, 'keep in touch'.  Our blog assignment is to share our contact information so that we can keep in touch with those of our cohorts that we would like to continue our experiences with.  I did choose two of my colleagues to share a post with; but I also wanted to share with all of you.  All of you have given me something throughout this class to take with me on this journey; for that, I am grateful.  This has been one of my fondest classes thus far.  I think it may be because I am all about communication.  Whether it is true or not, I believe that anything can be handled if just communicate our needs and goals with sincerity and honesty.

My blog is set-up with my website for my FDH (Family Day Home); therefore, it will remain the same after we have all moved on to the next class or graduated.  Please keep my information and send me additional resources, educational information, or just a 'shout out', every now and then.  It has been a blessing and an honor to learn and grow with you all and I hope to see you all in the next class.

PEACE!
Amelia Wilson
A Mother's Wish, LLC

"Good-Bye"

I have found that groups that I have formed personal relationships the most difficult for me to adjourn.  This year, I finally made the decision to change my son's school.  We use to have a 45 minute commute to school and church; but I found a church and school (same religious affiliation and curriculum guide lines) that shortens our commute to no more than 15 minutes.  I have contemplated this transition for the last three years.  Each year I decided against it for fear of how it may affect my son and his behavior.  My son has not yet totally accepted the break up between my husband (his father) and me.  Although the commute was extremely difficult for me; I felt guilty, and somewhat responsible, for putting my son through another transition with such a consequence and possibility of negative disruption in his daily lifestyle.

My son has gone back and forth with is feelings about leaving his old school.  He likes the new school; but he misses his friends.  I miss our old friends also.  Our kids have been in school together since kindergarten.  I have coached on the boys athletic staff for four years.  I served on several boards and was a member of other social entities at school and church.  I am not nearly as active at the new school. 

I chose to leave our formal school without giving a notice because I did not want to deal with the questions and the good-byes.  I was shocked when so many of our friends and families contacted us because they miss us as well.  We have not changed our membership from our church as of yet; but I know that it makes sense to do it and get it over with unless we are going back.  I do not have any closing rituals.  Even in my daycare, when we have a family that has to leave; if I am really close to them, I stay away from the daycare in order to avoid saying good-bye.  I typically call them later and check on them and send a gift.  Maybe that is my ritual…avoid saying the words, feeling the feelings, and crying the tears.  To my current colleagues, it’s never good-bye, just “Until we meet again”!

“Effective Means of Communicating”

This week’s blog encourages us to think of any disagreements, or conflicts, we may have had recently experienced, or currently experiencing, at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life.  Then share two strategies that may help to resolve the conflict in a productive manner.  I am choosing to focus on a current personal issue that I am having some issues with.  My reason for sharing this particular issue is because it is truly an area of my life that I need some assistance with.  I tend to not care, or display a very nonchalant demeanor, when it comes to things or people that do not make a difference in how my son and I live our lives.  This attitude may be the reason that I am still living a single life in my older age.  I have absolutely no tolerance for adult issues unless it involves my career.

I have recently decided to try a long distance relationship with someone that I have known for 20+ years.  We have found that this has its’ advantages and disadvantages.  While it is great to know a person from a family perspective; it is challenging to mix the family with the intimate relationship.  Our communication climate strongly predicts that of uncertainty and defensive climates.  The uncertain climate is largely possessed initial awkwardness, expectations, and potential outcome.  Neither of us wants to damage the family-like relationship that we have had for so many years and our setting clear expectations under these circumstances is extremely difficult at times.  The defensive climate comes from past situations that we have witnessed, involving other people, throughout our relationship.  The suspicion of whether or not the outcomes will repeat themselves is very high.  Typically, I think there is an unconscious need, on behalf of the other person, to control the relationship.

Two strategies that I think would help to produce a more supportive climate would be:

                      1. Be more open-minded

                      2. Giving the benefit of the doubt

In order to reach these two goals, I think that it would be effective to try a more compromising style or a collaborating style for resolution.  If we learn to compromise, then we could find some sort of “middle ground” whereas, each of us is happy with the outcome.  By utilizing the collaborating style to resolve conflicts we are forced to focus on the issues without attacking one another.  Then probe for more information that will help to understand the other ones viewpoints.  Once this has been accomplished, then it should be easier to focus on each other’s needs rather than our short comings.

Upon analyzing this situation, feel free to offer any suggestions that you may have that will either encourage the likes of this relationship; or reasons why you think that it would be unhealthy and an utter waste of time.

“Me as a Communicator”

We all have different communication styles and skills, knowingly and unknowingly.  How these means of communication may be different or similar in accordance to our environments and cultures is when things get interesting…

I took the test on:  Communication Anxiety Inventory, Verbal Aggressiveness Scale, and Listening Styles Profile.  I also had a long-term friend and a co-worker to evaluate me with the same three tests.  The one thing that surprised me the most is how close the results were.

My Results:                Myself             Spouse            Friend                  Co-Worker

Communication               36                    36                    35                             36

Verbal                              65                    69                    71                             70

Listening                     Group 1             Group 1         Group 1                     Group 1
_______________________________________________________________________________

When I read the results that were presented after I took the test, I felt that they were spot on for me.  Typically I think that we view ourselves differently than others because we are not always honest with whom we really are or we don’t know, ourselves, who we are as individuals.  But seeing that others view me just as I view myself was very unnerving for me.  I have worked very hard at getting to know myself over the years and excepting some truths about myself that I never want to accept.  It just shows that I have grown and I am making progress with being true to who I am.

Two insights that I have gained in this week’s resources that may inform my professional and personal life is the practice of listening and the concept of being honest.  I have more recently been told that I listen very well.  I take that as a huge compliment because I have not always been able to do that.  Had I been a better listener, some light years ago, I may have never either gotten married or divorced.   One of the two would definitely not have taken place.  I use to feel as if I had something to say and it was the only thing that mattered.  Saying that “out loud” sounds ridiculous; but some people say it with their “inside voice” (where no one can hear or judge), all of the time.  Being able to listen has softened my heart and allowed me the opportunity to learn more about others and their cultures.  I think this is a valuable tool when working with children and their families.

The other piece to this, for me, is honesty.  Sometimes we have to face some ugly truths about ourselves.  Once we do this, I think we are given a second chance to correct the ugliness.  Whether we decide to take the second chance or not is up to us.  Getting results that basically placed me in the same categories (according to the results) with different associates in my life, has proven to me that I am fair and I treat everyone the same, which is from my heart.  Although I may communicate with them differently, due to my relationships with them, I still treat everyone with equal respect.  I am grateful for that because it proves that I am sincere and care about how I treat others.

"Communication Strategies"

When I think about the people that I socialize with within my community, neighborhood, workplace, friends, and family; I undoubtedly communicate differently with each group.  My verbal and bodily language is different from group to group.  My assumptions and expectations are also very different from one group to another; therefore, more or less communication is necessary in accordance to with whom I am communicating with.

Three strategies that I could use to help me communicate more effectively with the people in my groups would be:

1. Assumptions.  Never assume anything.  Making sure that there is a clear understanding of one’s belief system.  If we suspend judgment, we can come to understand what looks wrong from our personal perspective may look right to someone else (Gonzalez-Mena, (2010).
2.  Listening.  Listening with an open mind is effective when communicating with others.  Listening without interruptions is even better.  Sometimes we jump the gun on the true meaning of what is being presented because we did not take the time to allow the other person to tell you the whole story or point of view.
3. Verbal/Non-verbal cues.  Verbal and non-verbal communication can be tricky.  Being clear of the meaning of either is essential in communication.  If I am not sure what is meant by either form of communication; asking for clarity is best.  We should not think that we know what a person means by his/her language.  Being sure, means to ask the question.  This will minimize conflict and increase resolution when communicating with one another.

Reference:

Gonzalez-Mena, J.  (2010). 50 Strategies for communicating and working with diverse families.

            “Understanding and Appreciating Cultural Differences” (pp. 36-38).  Upper Saddle

      River, NJ:  Pearson Education, Inc.

Communication

The television show that I watched for this Blog assignment was “Blue Bloods”.  The episode was titled, “Critical Condition”.  I taped the show because I rarely have an opportunity to watch television.  When you tape television shows, it gives you a brief summary of the episode.  I chose not to read it because I felt like it may interfere with my analysis of the show for the assignment.  I had never heard of the show, therefore it was very interesting trying to figure out what was going on.

While muted…

I observed that the show was a cops and robbers type show.  The show began with a man and a woman shooting at a gun range.  They appear to be co-workers pretty high ranking in a precinct.  Next, it appears that there was a woman, fresh out of the academy, and she was being sized up by the men at the precinct.  One man may have been the leader in finding out about her personal life.  She shows him her ring on her finger in order to make him aware that she is married.  He does not do the same thing (show his hand) therefore, I assumed he is not married and it made me concentrate more on trying to read her lips when she speaks to him.  I was very curious if she was a hard core woman and if she was soft spoken (like a quiet storm).  I observed three men rob a bank, two people were shot, and two of the robbers left their partner in the vault (with the money) and fled the scene; leaving the customer that had been shot and one of the robbers in the bank.  The robber that was left behind appeared to be concerned about the man that had been shot.  There was another victim (a lady) left behind and I think he ordered her to tend to the injured victim.

The two officers from the precinct appeared to be on a stake out to catch wrong doers.  It appeared that a trap was set to catch crooks and the trap was set to catch a couple of young Black American males stealing.  The White female cop jumped at the opportunity to arrest them; the male officer (also a white male) urged her not to for some reason and a officer on a motor bike road by and the boys stopped him to tell him of the items that they had just found.

While unmated…

Blue Bloods is the name of a group (or precinct) of the finest officers in the world protecting the great city of New York.  The man and woman at the shooting range where ex-husband and wife that were having a conversation about their daughter, in third person.  The new female cop has been promoted, for outstanding achievements, and given an assignment with an officer that she has history with from college.  She thought he was still with his college sweetheart and married.  It didn’t turn out the way she had thought.  He wasn’t married and she appears to be unhappily married.  She is pretty hard core around the edges. 

There were three big “aha” moments during my observation that I would like to share with my cohorts; the first was at the start of this show.  The attire, the location, and the body language that was present in this interaction, never alluded to the two people having a current or past intimate relationship between each other.  There was no visual indication that they were once married.  The second moment is when the female officer assumed that the two black boys (whom she addressed as thugs that hit the jackpot) where going to take the bag with a wallet and other belongs (a trap that the officers set) and run.  She was eager to arrest them and the male cop told her that they had to wait and give them an opportunity to turn the bag in.  When the cop rode by, the boys stopped him and told him exactly how they found the bag and turned everything in.  The final moment is when they discovered that the bank robber that was left in the bank was an ex-cop from the elite group of officers that had lost his job and needed money because of a love one that was sick and needed medical attention.  My best insight from this is how essential it is to “Never judge a book by its cover”.

"Whom Would I Copy?"

When I think of someone who demonstrates competent communication within a particular context, I think of many people to whom I respect and admire.  But, without a doubt, there is one person that I can say demonstrates competent communication within every context that I have witnessed in my life cycle.  That person is, Shirley Sanders.


Shirley Sanders is the most: 

• Un-bias
• Fun-loving
• Respectful (of any and everyone)
• Nurturing
• God-Fearing
• Forgiving
• Willing to change
• Loving
• Honesty
• Giving
• .....

Person that I have every known.  She is an advocate for:  children, the rights of her community and its members, a 3x cancer survivor (without a complaint), the sick and elder, in her community as well.  She feeds the hungry, and provides shelter and money to everyone that she meets and has a need).  Many have called her crazy for some of the things that she does with hesitation...for example:  allowing complete strangers to live in her home because they would otherwise be on the street.  While Shirley is all of these things; she can also be very set in her way about things (unknowingly).  She can be demanding of others and their time (when it comes to helping others).  Very stern in her belief to be truthful (even when it may sting) {she has a way of patching you back up, softly and effectively}.

Shirley Sanders is my Mother.  If I could be like anyone in this world; I would want to have the ability to love any and everyone in spite of everything.  I would want to pray for those that cannot or will not pray for themselves.  I would take care of those that needed it and those who refused it.  I would follow in her footsteps of life.